My Battlefield , My Mind

I had the cutest idea for a post on this my birthday. Darn it, for the life of me I can't remember how it was suppose to go, but it was very clever. You would have laughed and thought to yourself, "that Cherie is a such a clever gal." But alas, my thoughts go as quick as they come, and you will now just have to endure my sleepless ramblings. This post is dedicated to my friends who love me, and endure my ramblings. Wisdom would probably instruct me not to be posting anything after only 6 hrs. sleep over a 2 night period, but the other alternative was writing the paper that I have due on Monday...and of course blogging wins out on the list of priorities there, right! (Just remember to pray for me when you are finished reading :)
MY mind, my mind...oh yes, my mind is a constant battlefield. I would say that it is the playing field where I have experienced my greatest thrills of spiritual victory and the most agonizing spiritual defeats. Where my mind spends time, the other members of my body most often follow suit. As I wrote earlier in the week, I have had kind of a challenging week in the area of keeping the right attitude. I know that I am not the only one who is having a rough week, so this post is not for the purpose of comparing my "bad" week to anyone else's, but to share with you how frustrated I am with the inconsistency I see in my own life and how I want to mature in this area.
Consistency is what I look for when I am trying to gauge growth in my children's learning. If they know how to spell "absurd" on Monday but can't come up with the correct spelling for the spelling test on Friday, or can't spell the word correctly 2 weeks after the test, then they haven't learned how to spell absurd ( that is one of the spelling words for this week). That I can cry in one breath, "oh, how I love Jesus!" and in another complain about my circumstances, even curse them in my mind, then I have to ask myself, am I showing any growth? Where is my spiritual maturity? Example:( Last week) Our pool had turned into a swamp over the winter months and I was advised by a pro. to drain, clean and refill and the call him back. I thought to myself, "great, when this guy comes back to check the chemicals and filter I'm going to tell him about Jesus and invite him to lifegroup. (This Tuesday) My vinyl liner pulls completely out of the framework and I find myself standing in the bottom my pool cursing this man over and over in my mind.
Taking my thoughts captive is a daily exercises of obedience to Christ. I will just admit that I often fail terribly in this area, because I have become very good at "looking" like I am walking in the Spirit, when in reality my mind is playing some other pitiful, selfish, sinful scenario over and over. I WANT to love Christ well, but am painfully and keenly aware that He says that if I love Him , I WILL OBEY His commandments. I don't want the kind of outward obedience that becomes a show that I put on for men to see, but the obedience that is the result of a God transformed life. It is a consistent, inward and outward, heart, soul and mind renewing experience that I desire. It comes with spending time with God everyday, washing my mind with the renewing power of His Word. It comes with thinking on those things which are true, noble, kind, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy and taking captive the thoughts that are not. Once those thoughts are captive, they must be placed subject to the authority of Christ...that means I confess they are worthless, that I am wrong and ask for the Holy Spirit to take control of my thoughts, which almost always results in me realising the truth about the circumstances...like that they are an opportunity be grateful or to be challenged and show growth. If the circumstances are a result of a bad choice in my life, then it is an opportunity to admit error, ask for forgiveness, and make things as right as possible. Again...it is an opportunity to learn and grow, and I pray that someday I will look at my life and see more consistency in this area. I live and I learn...and here is to 37 years that God has given me on this earth so far. Happy Birthday to me! May the years to follow show that I am growing in Him!